Archive for July 2010
My Birman baby.
My pride and joy and source of happiness.
My baby is getting old eh. My mum said so when I showed her this picture. Well, she’s turning 6 this September. And I hope she’ll continue living a full healthy life.
I love her so much. And those cute white socks.
(P/S: Does anyone ever notice that there is a teeny smiley face at the top right corner of my blog? How cute is that!)
I have an obsession for Kyogres.
It’s not good because I feel the burning urge to open Sapphire just to look at it. And I feel this subtle sense of joy and pride (and also accomplishment) for raising it nicely and happily. Sometimes, for no reason, I’d just load Sapphire to open the PKMN page to look at Kyogre’s stats and it makes me very happy. Then I’d press some buttons to hear the weird digital sound that a Kyogre makes.
I am so weird.
I mean, it’s not even pretty. It’s cool. And really cute in Sapphire. Especially when you use Surf and the little thing pops out with some lame music. Or how it ‘jumps’ around at the display page.
If it’s something generally cute like Pikachu or Pichu or even an Oddish, it would be more.. reasonable.
Oh well. To each its own, I guess. I love my virtual happy Kaegy. I shall load Sapphire before I sleep to gaze at it one more time.
It looks like a submarine.
All these stress is making my brain whacked.
Anyways, exams are over and I think I screwed up all my papers. It’s very depressing because instead of feeling relieved and happy to end this semester, I actually feel heavy and chained. As if I am not done, there is something holding me back. Most probably they’re resits. Who knows, maybe I have to resit everything?
Which brings me to the question : What if I fail? What will I do if I fail?
I always ask myself, what if I actually passed? How will I respond? Will I cry? I know I’ll be eternally grateful to God but what if that doesn’t happen? Why am I always dissatisfied with myself? I have given my all, I have never in my entire life worked so hard for something, considering the things I’ve sacrificed for my studies. But what if they’re all just a waste?
In my family, failure is NEVER an option. Oh sure they say that you have to learn from mistakes and failure is inevitable, makes you human, or that it’s alright – we’ll still be here to support you. But when that actually happens, things are never what they said it would be. Yes, they have to accept the fact that you failed at something (it’s not like you can change it), but the rising animosity and hostility do not reflect acceptance. The grudges and resentment blamed towards the failed individual are then nurtured in the hearts due to the reason of embarrassment and humiliation.
I still remembered when I scored straight 8As for my PMR. My dad was driving the car, sending me and this friend of mine to Pyramid for our skating class. We both got straight As and my dad was adamant that the quality of our As were different. He said that my As were borderline As and I was just lucky, it was a miracle. On the other hand, my friend’s As were good quality As that reflected her intelligence whereas mine reflected my luck. She was so stunned at that comment that we kept quiet the whole ride. I wanted to cry there and then.
People always assume the worst in people. Especially the ones whom we thought cared about us most. Why are we not thankful of the things that are in front of us, proud of the fact that something good has happened in the lives of someone who we care and love, but yet we run to congratulate strangers who achieved something similar? It’s always ‘You have to appreciate so and so who is still here. You will regret the day when so and so is not here anymore. Don’t take so and so for granted. Must be thankful that you have so and so.’
Yes, I understand. But where is the reciprocity?
What about me? Ever wondered when someone says that to you, whether he or she appreciates you like you do. I always keep things like that to myself. The only people who I make such statements to are to my younger cousins or relatives whom I’m close to, and only when I see them being ungrateful for how full their lives are. But in return, I appreciate them. I tell them that I am proud of the things that they have done. That I’m happy they’re there with me, how much I love them and how important they are in my life and everyone’s life.
But how many of us are that fortunate of hearing such things?
Sometimes people act up in rebellious ways just because they do not feel accepted or understood. It’s very complicating to understand every being but most people only want others to understand them but they themselves do not make the initiative to understand other people. They are not tolerable and considerate to others just because they feel wronged or that they feel ‘high and mighty’. Basically, there’s just no respect. People demand to be respected, but do not respect in return.
The demand of doing well or comparing children to another is such a damaging thing to do to a child. The amount of self-esteem and confidence destroyed. Only at this age do I realize how important good parenting is. It’s quite sad that other things are prioritized instead of the child’s welfare. How we demand them to do things just because ‘I know what’s best for you’ or ‘to build you to be a good individual in the future’. How many of us have chances of having a say in things? I certainly don’t.
The effects of authoritarian parenting.
Okay, I don’t know where am I going with this. My brain juices are dying because I wrote a total of 19 pages of essay this exam for 4 subjects. And I can assure you, they’re all total nonsense (like the stuffs I wrote above haha). But it’s nice to have a blog to output the ongoing raging thoughts in my head. Or else I’ll go crazy.
Other than still not catching enough sleep, I have accomplished one of my goals for this holiday, which was to watch Cougar Town.
I LOVE THIS SHOW.
My favourite is Laurie the blondie (played by Busy Phillips) because she’s so crazy and hyper. Bimbotic, but high-strung.
On top of that, Courteney Cox is hot!
I usually don’t follow any series except Glee, Friends, and The Nanny because I rather spend my time reading but I really enjoy Cougar Town. It’s light-hearted and funny. However, I don’t get to watch much TV because my mum is against me doing anything non-academic related.
Come to think of it, this holiday has started off pretty dull.
I have not done anything good for myself (except FINALLY being able to online tonight to watch CT, blog, surf) as I was dragged to my mum’s Islamic classes, reading a stack of newspapers (according to my parents, I am anti-reading. I don’t know where that came from. It’s hilarious really), chores (I like doing chores once I’m in the mood), watching TV whenever I get the chance (learning channels when they’re around, or Spongebob), and listening to lectures (apparently I am the most anti-social quiet person in the world where I have no friends and no one likes me, and again, I don’t know where that came from).
And there are 1001 new house rules. Sometimes I really admire myself, the amount of patience and tolerance I have in me. ME. At this age.
This is such a negative complain-y post.
Deal with it :P
On an unrelated note, I love the songs for FIFA. I am NOT a football fan (and shall stay that way till the day I die, don’t get me wrong, I DO NOT hate football, I just have no feelings towards it. Like coffee, I DO NOT hate coffee, I love the smell of coffee but I do not drink coffee. Maybe a sip or so a year heh heh. But my parents drink coffee once every 2 days) but I love the songs! My favourites have to be in year 2002 and 2010. Superb!
I want to skate. So so badly.
I cannot wait for Sochi 2014.
OMG I SERIOUSLY CANNOT WAIT. I LOVE WINTER OLYMPICS.