Archive for October 2010
After reading all the cat articles, as much as I could find them and their level of relevantness, I am getting even more paranoid than ever.
I am really at wits’ end. I don’t know what else I should do. Or what I can do to make it better, for her to recover faster, to get her back on track. I don’t know how to cope. I feel like bawling every second as the day goes by, I feel like sitting in a corner in my room and just hold her in my arms and pretend that it’s all okay.
I am getting more disoriented, having major typos or speech slurs. It’s even worse than having a million assignments piled up on me. I’m like a walking zombie, having her on my mind and the next thing I should do, all the time. Where is she? Is she alright? Should I feed her now? Did she go to the toilet? What is she doing now?
I try my best to carry her as much as I can, feeling whether there are any physical changes I can detect under my probing touch. I put her body against my ear, listening carefully at her breathing, heart beat, or if her stomach is making any weird sounds. I inspect her eyes, ears, fur, and paws if there are any other signs.
Whenever I look at her, my heart just shatters into a million pieces. How could she be like this? Am I such a horrible person to have made her into what she is now? At such age? How can I make it better? Is she going to be better or worse tomorrow? What will tomorrow bring?
What will I do when classes start again? I won’t be home most of the time. What will happen then?
I am so tired. And so stressed. I have no mood to do anything whatsoever. All I have on my mind is her.
I love you so much, my pretty pretty baby. I hope you will be strong and get well soon, very very soon.