Archive for September 2011
I was just checking my dashboards and reading random blog posts from the past, password protecting one, cringing at the rest.. and I just realised that I have such.. lame writing skills.
This is humiliating.
But I’m still happy.
I am happy.
I know I’m feeling a whole lot of emotions, positive and negative, but I know that right now, I am feeling very much of happiness. And I think that I’ve not felt happiness for a long time.
A lot of things have happened these past few months, I did extremely well for my previous exams (if I keep it up, First Class Honours, baby!), got invited to join an honours society, amazing thesis supervisor, awesome reward from my dad for doing well.. but I cannot help but to feel anxious and worried constantly, and a little depressed over the most minute and petty things I can think about. So, I think that I deserve to be happy, even if it is only for a while.
I don’t even know why I’m happy. Maybe I’m too emotional to think straight, too stressed to rationalise properly with myself, too ignorant to think that I could get hurt all over again. Why am I giving in so easily to this is beyond me, there is a chance of me spiraling into another bout of depression again. But I don’t care. I’m so happy, I could cry.
I think I’m also a teeny sad for not updating this blog. I’ve just been so busy and trust me, a whole freaking lot of things have happened in the months of me being absent from the blogosphere (did I get that right? Lawl!) and I hope that in the future, I would have some time to update a quickie about the things that were important to me, just so that my future self doesn’t forget the juicy bits.
I have three major things due tomorrow – thesis proposal, term paper, and ethics submission, which two out of three I have not even touched and the one that I have is only a quarter completed.
But I don’t give a damn.
Because I’m happy.
‘Ignore me, I’m in my cheesey mode’,